Introducing the Evening Look NFT Series!

Every day, Silicon Valley finds new ways to repackage things that already exist. Recent examples of this include totally-not-buses, taxi services, and even taxes.  Now, they’ve set their sights on art. For those unaware, Non-Fungible Tokens, or NFTs, are essentially the hip new cryptocurrency, assigning a digital value to art through metadata – be it a static image, a JPEG, a piece of music, or so on. This means that even though anyone could view or consume this piece, you have a Special Tokenized Version of it that only you can claim ownership to.

If this seems like it produces no inherent value to society, that’s where you’re wrong: it produces no inherent value and it destroys the environment! It turns out that in order to give these NFTs an assigned value, we run into the crypto standard of “Proof of Work” where in order to give value to a cryptocurrency, you need to prove that a certain amount of energy was spent in its creation. And by “certain amount”, I mean that highly valued NFTs can literally use up years of personal energy use per token. Sometimes, artists use this power to give additional value to works of great prestige. Other times, a copy of the “Scumbag Steve” meme from before 2010 sells for $57,000. Already, experts are warning they’re going to create a massive bubble.

Last week, much of the Internet was thrown into a state of agony as their favorite creators began to sell NFTs. Everyone from Gorillaz to “Salad Fingers” creator David Firth, Pepe the Frog Creator Matt Furie, and artist/activist collective Pussy Riot is cashing in. Well, I’m happy to say that the nightmare is not yet over. We at The Evening Look have decided to get on this train before it derails and offer our own NFT series! We’re introducing a variety of NFT-encoded greatest hits from The Evening Look’s extremely prestigious run. For example, any peasant can simply view our piece about cyberbullying Italians over Columbus apologia, but YOU, the presumed techbro simpleton (who’s also a leftist somehow), can own an exclusive PDF of it. The world is yours, my friend! For all we know, our piece on an Ice Cube Twitter rant could become our Kerouac scroll.

While these longform articles minted into meaningless kitsch might sound great, we’ve decided to go the extra step by combining NFTs with the definitive leftist experience: we’ve also minted our Tweets into NFT. If you want an already-dated Copium meme with Sergei Kelley’s face on it, it’s time to break out the big bag. Most of the products in this line consist of dunks on Sergei and the Morning Watch crowd at large, which if you follow us regularly should register as a plus. We don’t see the need to diversify our portfolio when our portfolio is all bangers.

The value doesn’t stop there! Not only are these images encoded with arbitrary metadata that makes them exclusive, but each NFT is also encoded with the exact DNA sequence of every member of the Evening Look’s staff. This means that if we weren’t already bad enough at hiding our identities, buyers will now be able to try and match our DNA with every student on campus to find matches. Alternatively, you could just cut out the middleman and clone us. Neither of these solutions would help you that much in actually identifying us, unless you have the resources to do that. But hey, if you have the money to spend on NFT’s, who knows what kinds of bizarre, morally bankrupt investments you can dream up!

To offset the environmental damage that we’ll be creating, we’ve also announced a charity sponsor. We pledge that 15% of our income from these tokens will go to MSU’s new college, the L. Squirrel School of Posting, because we believe that’s finally time that we share our talents with the world. In the meantime, we expect nothing less than a full sweep on these NFTs. Good luck at the auction house! The tokens may be worthless in two weeks, but good posting lasts forever.

– The Evening Look Team

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The Evening Look Guide to the Spring 2021 Student Elections

Last year, we published our first-ever guide to Michigan State’s student elections. Since we had a 100% success rate on our endorsements last year, we figured we should apply our powers on a broader scale this time around. With the entire ASMSU General Assembly, two student taxes and more on the ballot this year, we wanted to cover as much as we could. Although the UACOR tax vote and RHA constitutional amendments are a bit beyond the scope of what we were able to cover given our limited turnaround time, we’d like to keep people informed about as much as we can before voting starts on March 29. Without further ado, here are our stances on this year’s biggest ballot items:

Continue reading The Evening Look Guide to the Spring 2021 Student Elections

Top 10 Cities That Start With ‘East’

Hey there, fellow MSU students! It’s been a while since this publication has dropped one of it’s world-famous listicles. Broke are the lists of most educated cities or the best cities to raise your kids . . . bespoke is a list breaking down the top ten cities that start with ‘East’, so without further ado, here we go with the top ‘East’ cities in the United States.

Continue reading Top 10 Cities That Start With ‘East’

Pay The Reps

Sometimes, it feels like no one cares about ASMSU. Turnout for General Assembly elections has been in the single digits every year that student tax hikes aren’t on the ballot, meaning that many students don’t know who represents them. There have been many contests in recent years where the number of candidates has been at or below the number of seats needed to be filled, resulting in uncompetitive races.

But there is one man who cares a lot about ASMSU — Sergei Kelley. The big boss is back with a new article for The Morning Watch about a proposal to boost engagement and fill General Assembly seats. Currently, only the President, Directors, and hired staff of ASMSU are paid, while representatives are unpaid volunteers. A report presented by Representatives Aaron Iturralde, Jordan Kovach, and Travis Boling aims to change that by proposing a $250/semester stipend for representatives who show up to most meetings, do constituent outreach, and generally are active participants in student government.

Naturally, Kelley is not interested, portraying it as the big, bad student government giving itself money to spread leftism on campus. To that end, he tries his hardest to give the proposal the worst framing he can. Apparently, all the fat cats at ASMSU spend money on are yearly banquets, retreats, and diversity training. And now, another transfer from the student government elite to themselves? The horror!

The report addresses several important reasons why people might not be interested in participating in student government at the GA level. Representatives have to make a pretty big time commitment to make assembly meetings, committee meetings, have office hours, write and review legislation, and do other tasks related to their position. That’s all fine for someone who doesn’t need to work in college, but 20% of MSU students come from the bottom 60% of family incomes. If someone interested in student government had to choose between a paycheck or doing legislative work for free, I bet they would choose the paycheck every time. I don’t think it’s presumptuous to say that affects who decides to run for GA positions.

It’s impossible to get everyone interested in student government, but there are only 36 seats in the GA from 15 colleges. 13 of those seats are vacant, including all the seats reserved for the College of Nursing, Residential College in the Arts and Humanities, and the College of Music. No Preference, the College of Education, and the College of Arts and Letters all only have one seat filled. There are two inactive slots in CORES and COPS, plus four more in the Major Governing Groups, according to ASMSU’s website. While some of this may be due to the weirdness of scheduling and promoting the previous ASMSU election during a pandemic, it’s ridiculous that there are so many vacancies in student government. 

Even conservative representatives understand that this is a good proposal for student government. Though Kelley states that he spoke to multiple representatives, the only one who would give him a quote for this article was Jack Harrison, a Communication Arts and Sciences representative who is also on the MSU College Republicans eboard. Although Kelley has been known to talk to conservative students while passing them off as random voices from the student body, it backfires as Harrison tells him that it is a good policy, because “it is important to reward representatives for their work” and mentions the struggle to fill the GA seats.

Despite Kelley’s implicit protest in the title of his article, which contains an outdated photo that implies representatives have already approved the proposal, I think the proposed bill is a fantastic idea to make sure that representatives are actually paid (somewhat) for what they do. If we want to have a student government that accurately represents students’ concerns and speaks to their issues, then we should start with having a full government.

-K. Sins

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The Young Strivers

Longtime readers of this blog have probably noticed that we tend to take shots at campus conservatives here at MSU. They’re most likely to be loudly stupid and obnoxious, and thus they occupy a lot of our time when we aren’t writing about Animal Crossing or Twitter discourse. Campus liberals, on the other hand, are merely boring and earnest at their worst. With The Morning Watch becoming more irrelevant by the day (hi Sergei!), I took a look into one of the least essential liberal groups on campus, the James Madison College (JMC) Kennedy Democrats, and its founder, Jasper Martus.

Continue reading The Young Strivers

Conservatives Vote To Drop ‘Constitutional Democracy’ From PTCD

In an abrupt emergency meeting called in the wake of the current unprecedented assault of our country’s peaceful transfer of power, a faction of conservative students in Michigan State University’s James Madison College voted to remove “Constitutional Democracy” from the name of the Political Theory and Constitutional Democracy major in the residential college.

“It’s honestly been a long time coming,” said one member close to the decision making process of the group, expressing little concern over the events that unfolded in Washington D.C. on Jan. 6 of this year. 

“He has every right not to leave. We voted him in because he was a rule-breaker and we’re liking what we’re seeing.”

When asked about the reason behind the vote, the group cited major concerns over alleged voter fraud in the 2020 presidential election, but declined to comment when pressed to present credible evidence beyond what they cited from various 4chan accounts. 

“Millions of legal ballots thrown out in states Trump won, and so many more fake ones where he’s losing,” said another member, Colby Creamer. “It all makes so much sense.”

 They also described real distress over the possibility of a complete vote count.

“We were very much in favor of armed poll watchers in cities. I mean, all we’re trying to do is go back to our party’s roots,” said treasurer Shackleford Edgerton.

At around 10 p.m. the night of the election, the group decided to organize outside the MSU Union to protest the results. Maskless, early in the night, JMC conservatives could be heard chanting, “Count All Votes! Count All Votes!” and waving signs. 

But by early morning when it seemed more absentee ballots were being counted and Trump was losing hold of his lead in key states, the group quickly grabbed some sharpies and changed their tune. By 8 a.m., they could be seen adamantly yelling, “Stop the count!” with much more anger and much less excitement in their eyes. 

The group mirrored similar sentiments during Trump’s quid pro quo with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, which eventually led to his impeachment. When asked about the president withholding $400 million of congressionally mandated foreign aid for investigations into fraudulent conspiracies involving his would-be predecessor President-elect Joe Biden, the chairman of the group, Bill DaWall III, said,“The executive has absolute authority to dictate foreign policy as he sees it, and if that includes soliciting foreign interference into our ‘free and fair elections’ (air quotes his own), so be it.” 

When asked about the term “bribery” stated in the impeachment clause of the Constitution, the group said they were unfamiliar.

In fact, the group has also decided to remove the framed copy of the Constitution in their office, saying in an official statement, “The radical left constantly accuses our group of lacking progressivism, and we thought this was a step in the right direction.”

Additionally, they reversed their opposition to changing James Madison College’s name, claiming Madison, one of the document’s founding authors, has “gone out of style.” 

Instead, they recommended a number of replacements they felt better represent their views, including George Wallace, Pat Buchanan, the people who run “Liberty Hangout” on Twitter, and the guy who stole the Speaker of the House’s lectern.

Following the violent mob which broke in and ransacked the Capitol after inciting remarks by their party’s leaders, the conservatives cited frustration over dissimilar responses by Democrats during the uprisings against police brutality and systemic racism which took place over the summer. “It’s incredible how leftists can say nothing when Antifa starts a fire in a J. Crew outlet store, but everyone is up in arms at a little insurrection,” said member Horst Gilroy. 

Some historians noted the events on Jan. 6 marked the first time the nation’s Capitol had been breached since 1814 by the British Army. “We are the history makers, baby!” said one rioter, who was later identified as Anthony Biglione, a member of the Broad College of Business and a frequent evangelist for The Joe Rogan Experience. He then took a selfie to commemorate the felony he had just committed. 

Wherever the group decides to go from here, their message was clear: they want to take America back to a different era.

“We’re talking 1930s, 40s, and 50s is where we think the sweet spot is,” said member Aurora Speederton. ”Who knows what ramifications can come from allowing people to participate in our democracy who don’t hold our values, let alone our strong support for a healthy and thriving ruling class?”

-D. Lightful

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Marvel Is The Opiate of the Masses

As if the Discourse wasn’t rotting our minds enough already, the end of 2020 came with a uniquely eye-rolling cycle: whether or not superhero films are on the level of a collective mythology for our culture. On Friday, December 11th, Alisha Grauso, co-leader of California Freelance Writers United, tweeted the following: “People dismissing comic book movies as ‘kiddie shit’ are completely failing to realize superhero stories are essentially a collective American mythology and the closest thing to a shared lore we have. Eastern European folk tales & Nordic mythology were largely ‘kiddie shit’ too.”

There’s a lot to unpack here, namely the desire to give prestige to a genre and medium originally meant for kids. On the surface level, it’s a heavy-handed film take on the level of a Noah Berlatsky screed, in which someone wants to have their hobby validated to the point of destroying any difference between high and low art. However, I’ve been losing sleep over the deeper meaning of this tweet. Consider for a moment that Grauso is right about superheroes being a collective mythology. In my opinion, this actually has dire implications for our culture.

Top 20 Twitter Discourse Topics of 2020

What a year 2020 has been. It began with wildfires in Australia and a potential war with Iran, and then led into a global pandemic and unprecedented election. Needless to say, 2020 has been full of non-stop news and events. But 2020 has also been full of online discourse, and that’s much more interesting and important. Today, I am going to conclusively rank the top 20 worst Twitter discourse events of 2020. Beginning with…

Continue reading Top 20 Twitter Discourse Topics of 2020

BREAKING: MSU College Republicans Chat Member Sexually Harassed JMC Student Online

NOTE: Though this isn’t our usual content, we received these screenshots from an individual affiliated with the MSU College Republicans groupchat and we believe they need to be publicized. 

NOTE 2 (11/23 11:05 PM): MSU College Republicans emailed The Evening Look a statement about this issue that has been added to the bottom of the article. The headline and article have been tentatively revised accordingly pending future developments.

Updated again at 6:30 on 11/24 to clarify the nature of the violation in the last paragraph.

On November 23rd at 3:45pm, James Madison College sent an email from the Interim Dean, Linda Racioppi, describing a situation in which an Instagram account was “sending sexually explicit messages to James Madison College students.”

Screenshots from the MSU College Republicans groupchat, “The Best Party on Campus!”, obtained by The Evening Look detail efforts to interfere with a groupchat for James Madison College (JMC) students. One member of this chat created a fake Instagram account to harass JMC students; as part of the harassment, he sent a student porn with the account.

Continue reading BREAKING: MSU College Republicans Chat Member Sexually Harassed JMC Student Online

Willie Thrower, A Spartan Trailblazer

As the Chief Sports Editor here at The Evening Look, and to help those of you still sobering up from last yesterday’s shut out loss to Indiana, I felt it apropos to take a look at a trailblazing Spartan from the 1952 Championship team: Willie Thrower.

Continue reading Willie Thrower, A Spartan Trailblazer