All Work and No Play…

Rene Descartes, “Unknown”

Sometimes, in the course of making these little criticisms, I come across an article that has such poor writing its premise falls apart under the weakest examination. One such article was “The Superiority Complex of the Left”, published on (where else?) The Morning Watch and attributed to Jack Carlson. I say “attributed” because I have no idea why anyone would put their real name on this. 

Carlson’s point is that the campus left is unique in its hypocrisy towards its stated values. They believe in freedom of expression, but have all these big bad institutions like bias workshops and advisory signs in the dorms. 

The problem is that Carlson’s life experience, per his article, doesn’t track with his opinion. After saying that he wishes that he could engage respectfully with people he disagrees with politically, the next line reveals he has lots of friends that he disagrees with. He says that the predominant trait of campus leftism is “a sense of moral superiority” but also says most of the leftist students he has met are “intelligent, decent, and reasonable people”. So he’s met a lot of students who are leftists, or at the very least further left than him, and they’ve been nice to him and have had good conversations with him where they respect each other. Yet he continues to insist that campus leftism is none of those things.

Here at The Evening Look, our job is to provide the sense of moral superiority Carlson can’t find in regular campus leftism. We are proud to state that we believe we are morally great and better than The Morning Watch. Has he considered being better, like us? 

But this is not an article about campus leftism. This is an article about getting Owned Online. Carlson is mad, red, and nude, as they say on Twitter. Why is he that way? People didn’t like an article he wrote about a James Madison College #ClimateStrike panel. Words such as “inaccurate” and “slanderous” were thrown around (of course, there are no receipts provided for these insults). If random users on Twitter calling an article “inaccurate” cause you to write a whole article about how your ideology is actually good, you may have the thin skin you claim to see in others.

This leads to the biggest howler of the article: “Conservatism in its nature, does not appear to be an ideology that causes students to strike out at their peers and hold a tone of superiority towards others.” What is The Morning Watch if not conservatives striking out at their non-conservative peers by “exposing leftist bias”? Is “Objectivity, Not Subjectivity” not holding a tone of superiority by implicitly implying that this opinion article is objective fact rather than, well, an opinion? I’m baffled by this sentence.

Maybe I shouldn’t be. Carlson has published four opinion articles in under a month and a half, which represents nearly two-thirds of the entire article output of the site. Perhaps he’s simply working on a deadline for that sweet, sweet #content. Who hasn’t just thrown a bunch of stuff together last minute to turn in? I know I have. If we had deadlines to meet, we’d be pulling all nighters and drinking dangerous amounts of Red Bull while we cranked out pieces about the tyranny of conservative PTCD professors. 

The Morning Watch should reconsider its content strategy if it’s forcing a single writer to crank out as many opinions as possible to keep its name out there. The piece isn’t ready for prime time, and I hope Carlson frees himself of the content mill he finds himself in.

-K. Sins

High Thoughts: Why Conservatives Aren’t Funny

Dear viewers, let’s set the scene real quick: 

I, your esteemed author, have just sat down to spill his thoughts out onto his laptop after having just taken a fatass rip of wax, with Vampire Weekend on the speaker and Emeril Legasse on the TV. 

I am in an uncanny state of mind.

An attempt at visualizing what the author saw while writing this.

So let me talk about what’s been really snazzing my jazz lately: the Morning Watch’s pitiful attempt at a ‘satire’ section on their website. 

Literally nobody asked for this. Its very existence is currently destroying the one shared brain cell we have as a species, and for this reason I request that it be discontinued immediately.

Now, I am aware that a non-insignificant number of our viewers are actually collegiate conservatives who just like to make fun of our “zero effort WordPress website”. 

They’re right: we put barely any effort into our content, yet are also funnier and more critical than Sergei Kelley The Morning Watch. I’m sure that all my boys reading this who like this humor will do one of two things: complain like the “snowflakes” they despise, or realize that we, the plebian “Evening Blind” as referred to by Daddy Sergei, have successfully influenced The Morning Watch’s decision making and thus have been formally noticed by senpai. 

For my Republican readers, allow me to use this attention to educate you on one simple fact: conservatives cannot be funny. 

Let me explain.

Humor and comedy are effective because of a basic formula they follow: 

1) Identify some true absurdity occurring in the world, 2) maximize said absurdity beyond its usual boundaries in order to expose the sheer stupidity or juxtaposition of said phenomenon, and 3) punchline.

Humor as a communicative tool exists for humans to be reminded of our failings, absurdities, or irrational idiosyncrasies in order to make fun of them and become a little more enlightened. This is why random humor isn’t funny, because it un-strategically attempts to shotgun multiple subjects at the viewer in hopes that they find some cosmic absurdity among a few of the subjects being joked about. 

I’m only 20 minutes into a 2 hour high.

Allow me to critically analyze one of the Morning Watch’s more recent satire pieces to illustrate my point.

I just went to Google to look up The Morning Watch and only found a bunch of youth-based Bible sites that look like shit. I’m sorry for the aside. Let me get back to my words.

Ok, first of all, upon reading the Baby Bible Website’s satire piece on forced diversity classes I see a couple typos/mistakes that I will refuse to specify in order to make The Morning Watch actually review its content for once in a goddamn election cycle. 

I’m getting too high for this.

So this piece of literature titled Mandatory Diversity Classes WILL Increase yadayadyada sets the scene in a fantasy world MSU that creates classes to teach students about microaggressions, macroaggressions, and picoagrerssions because all of a sudden blinks can be offensive. (???) They then present the viewer with some fake student interviews, which is strange given that dedicated readers know the Holmes Hall RA could be any made up schmuck that Sergei knows. 

Holy shit Meat Loaf just came on the speaker and I’m fucking hype rn, bout ta pop off

I must admit that The Morning Watch does get the first step of humor right in this article. They are able to successfully identify a small societal absurdity, in this case the existence of educating people on how to be decent citizens who treat each other with respect. How could anyone ever think that this is acceptable in Trump’s America? So of course they choose to cling to the tit of “microagression education” in order to milk it for as much comedic potential as possible.

The problem with The Morning Watch’s humor is that they cling to the tit and don’t suck. They fail to do step two and magnify it. Yes, they frame microagression classes as mandatory, and make up some bullshit “picoagression” class that teaches people about sexist blinking. The problem is that these are real possibilities due to the shitty way that people who read The Morning Watch keep acting to minorities and women.  

Worse, the humor conservatives create is always a subtle defense for their own backwards views. Good comedy can’t be defensive! Comedy is meant to be progressive and challenging, in order to expose stupidity and laugh it away. Comedians and humorists have nothing to defend. They make fun of everything, even themselves. Conservatives, and particularly Morning Watch humor writer Thomas “Kanye said nothing wrong” West, write like they still have an ego which hasn’t been destroyed by a generational depression induced by gun violence, global warming, and Nazis. All their humor does is remind us that people are still out there who could march on Charlottesville again. The comedic value derived from their not-quite-absurd enough humor is innately tempered by the reality in which these subjects dwell. 

To put it bluntly, The Morning Watch’s humor is too grounded, poorly structured, and sounds like its written by a guy who was called funny once by another conservative and decided he was George fucking Costanza. 

Regarding the lack of structure, there’s never any punchline to their humor. They never tie it up in a neat bow or use any callbacks. It just meanders throughout its confusing existence, much like the Republican Party after the existence of Trump.

Humor has to be pointed! It must be stinging, biting, visceral, and carry a real punch. You can only do that through structure, elsewise I just feel like Mr. West is draping me in a semi-moist towel with a slightly too passive-aggressive grip, but not enough that I won’t say “thank you.”

In conclusion: Mr. West, do better. The Morning Watch Sergei Kelley, please off this fool if he can’t do better. Readers, please remember to make fun of stupidity as much as possible, since that’s the only way to make this mess of a world marginally more enjoyable than suicide.

I’m about an hour into my high and feeling fucking amazing, so I’m gonna crawl into the kitchen and down half a pack of Keebler Elfwiches. 

-B. Bunny

On Treaties and Safeties

Did you know that the Detroit Lions have had two winless seasons in their history? We all remember 2008 – Dan Orlovsky running out of the back of the endzone is burned into my mind. But there was a second one back in 1942, when they went 0-11 and set an NFL record for the most giveaways in a single game with 12.

Why do I bring this up? Well, a recent Morning Watch article asserts that these are worse tragedies than the theft of land from indigenous peoples in North America.

Let me explain. Michigan State has a land acknowledgement. This basically acknowledges that the university exists on the land of several Native American tribes – the Ojibwe, Odawa, and Potawatomi people, known as the Three Fires Confederacy. The acknowledgement states that “the university lies on land ceded in the 1819 Treaty of Saginaw”. This land was granted by the State of Michigan to found MSU 36 years later. The rest of the it exists as a way to affirm that the university intends to advocate for the sovereignty of Native Americans and be accountable to their needs. Although a nice gesture, on its own it doesn’t do a lot outside of being respectful, something our administration has had some issues with in the last few years.

Enter our intrepid Watch columnist, David Barton, who spotted the land acknowledgement somewhere in Snyder-Phillips Hall. The sign took hold of him and used its power to try and force him to conform to the bland liberalism of the college. But he was able to resist, and in the blog’s grand tradition of being mad at signs, he wrote about this experience. The resulting column, “ANALYSIS: MSU’s Misguided “Native Sovereignty” Over University Lands”, stands as one of the worst I’ve read since starting this site. It’s Orlovsky running out of bounds in article form. It’s worse than the bike letter we covered months ago in the first couple weeks of this blog’s existence.

The article’s whole premise is that it’s dumb for the university to go around feeling sorry for being on land that the Native Americans just gave away because they were super nice folks. Barton presents a history of the treaty in which after Native Americans fought with the British against the Americans in the War of 1812 (I wonder why), Americans showed mercy to them by having a peaceful negotiation in which the Natives miraculously gave up a massive chunk of land they had lived on for centuries. 

There, that’s it. Nothing else to it, move along!

Here’s an alternative history of the treaty. Lewis Cass, governor of Michigan, was tired of bigshots in Washington saying that Michigan, then a territory, was full of worthless, dogshit land that didn’t have anything to offer. So he decided to prove them wrong, knowing it was rich land full of natural resources like timber. He wrote to the War Secretary, John C. Calhoun, to ask for the land “to effect the removal of the Indians to the West side of the Mississippi as speedily as circumstances will permit”. That was his starting position. The final treaty’s terms were a compromise, not an initial offer. And of course, even the most sanitized American history book will tell you what tended to happen when Native Americans resisted giving land away – at best, a treaty that would be inevitably broken, at worst atrocities.

In other words, this outcome was assured from the start. Cass was never not going to get the land once he decided he wanted it. But he had another trick up his sleeve anyway: alcohol. He ordered twelve barrels of whiskey from Detroit and got the Native Americans absolutely plastered. As a college student, I’m well aware that I don’t always make the decisions that I mean when I’m drunk; now imagine that those decisions cost millions of acres of land. You might wonder if there’s a real beef there.

Barton makes sure to note that this is all irrelevant anyway, since obviously everyone who signed the treaty or knew somebody that signed it is dead. In a wildly out-of-place attempt at comedy, he asserts that what occurred 200 years ago in Saginaw is not as bad as the aforementioned winless Lions seasons, which are “things…we should actually be ashamed of.” It’s true that everyone involved in the treaty is dead, but what does it say that after all this time people still feel the need to acknowledge it and talk about how it affected them and their ancestors? I’m a diehard Lions fan and I didn’t even know they were winless in 1942. I bet everyone who played that season is dead too! 

The land acknowledgement boils down to “sorry”, as Barton puts it at the end of the article. But it’s a good gesture towards recognizing how exactly the University got here, on this specific land, even though it isn’t the fault of anyone alive right now. And if you don’t like it, it’s a fucking sign. It doesn’t control you, and it definitely doesn’t compel you to write wildly inaccurate summaries of what happened. 

Today, the Lions will suit up to inevitably lose to the Bears in the traditional Thanksgiving game at Ford Field, which rests on land ceded in the Treaty of Detroit in 1807. Perhaps one day, it too will have a land acknowledgement – a reminder that as you thank the land you live, eat, and watch football on, it probably wasn’t always yours.

-K. Sins

How To Do Investigative Reporting

With recent tea coming from the Morning Watch editorial board comes a set of re-aligned editorial priorities. I had hoped that perhaps this re-shuffle would cause everyone’s favorite College Republicans chairman Sergei Kelley to re-evaluate his blog’s narrative stance and renew his commitment to “objectivity, not subjectivity.” Instead, it appears that Kelley has decided to double down on TMW’s state-of-the-art investigative reporting so as to cover “the basics.”

Wait. Did I say “state-of-the-art investigative reporting”? Indeed I did, for absolutely everything coming out of “the best publication at MSU” can actually be referred to as state-of-the-art. Consider this typical progression of events when the Morning Watch decides to make its presence known at an event: they put out a cry for help not just to their own staff but also to the entire MSU College Republican community (because nowadays TMW is just the propaganda arm of the CRs, which itself is now the propaganda arm of Sergei Kelley). Receiving no response from either group, he then proceeds to show up at whatever event has the potential for a juicy headline that will predictably fail to deliver on the memes such headlines promise. (The Morning Watch’s motto should really be “Objectivity, Not Subjectivity, Except In Our Headlines.”) After collecting enough information to write an article, possibly including a quote to take way out of context during the editing process (if one even exists?), the Morning Watch proceeds to publish it, where it will be sure to die a slow, semi-painful death.

Unfortunately, this tactic only works four, five, or six times before becoming stale, and these events the Morning Watch attempts to make clickbait out of have presented TMW with a bit of a problem: the sources are drying up. Take, for instance, the recent dreaMSU rally advocating for MSU to become a sanctuary school and provide a point of support for undocumented immigrants and immigrants with DACA status. The Morning Watch had an obvious presence at that rally, since Kelley made sure to stand at least 20 feet away from any of the protestors and made a point of filming the entire thing.  I wasn’t surprised to find a somewhat standoffish attitude towards Kelley’s presence at the rally, but you can’t really blame people for finding a lurker… lurker-y.

I’m sincerely wondering why the indomitable chairman of the MSU College Republicans would find himself having to use these conflict avoidance tactics. After all, it’s not like these protestors were particularly hostile to those who did not share their views. Many were simply attending the rally to educate themselves on these issues and their nuances. As a matter of fact,  I learned from dialogue with some of the leaders of dreaMSU that it is racism, and not border security, that the organization is opposed to, which could have given the Morning Watch an opportunity to find some common ground! (Unless the Morning Watch really is an organization of closet racists… but that’s none of my business.) But anyway, how is the Morning Watch supposed to arrive at these conclusions if they aren’t even willing to give talking with those they disagree with the old college try?

At the Evening Look, we pride ourselves on having headlines that actually deliver on what they say they’re going to, so in conclusion, this is how to do actual investigative reporting:

  • Don’t be an ass.
  • Show up.
  • Keep an open mind. Hell, you might actually learn something!

CORRECTION: Another crucial difference between the Morning Watch and the Evening Look is that we very clearly admit when we were wrong about something. Don’t get us wrong. We may gaslight you. Actually most of our work is gaslighting. But unlike at TMW, we only gaslight with the truth. It was inaccurate to claim that Sergei was unable to gain any useful information from the recent dreaMSU rally. He just gained the wrong information, writing that Prof. Andaluna Borcila was the Madison professor that spoke at the rally. This was just factually false. Prof. Anna Pegler-Gordon was the one to speak at the rally, and when a friend of mine corrected Kelley on this point, he corrected the article, but only after waiting 24 hours and not actually issuing a correction like this one.

-R. Duck

Who is the Holmes Hall RA?: The Gingrich Code

Editor’s note: You didn’t think we’d give up on this, did you? After a long journey of self-discovery, The Evening Look’s Holmes Hall correspondent O. Justice has prepared another report of the trials and tribulations of finding the elusive Holmes Hall RA.

Yes, my faithful zealots of truth, undying brethren of escalating minor changes into a total war against perceived American values, I am back. Despite numerous attempts of leftist climate activists to shut down my coal-fueled laptop and ethical games journalist to force me to pick female Shepard in Mass Effect 3, I return now from an internship at my Dad’s insurance company to bring you the good word of fair, reasoned, liberal slaying conservative arguments. With that being said, do not believe that I have forgotten my purpose, the drive which brings me strength in a world of diversity castings in Marvel films. Of course, I am to say that all other intentions for life are subservient to a single cause: finding the Holmes Hall RA.

For those who have only recently found this publication through the socialist siren song of The Morning Watch, the Holmes Hall RA is simultaneously a person and an idea. Using the aforementioned liberal publication to expose the fundamental flaws of the very same outlet, the Holmes Hall RA is, for the lack of a more accurate term, a maestro of our cause. A god among men, he utilizes his Ohio-born wisdom and classical training in passing concussion protocols to vanquish the plague of gun reform. More broadly, however, he represents the hope that our country and its core value of viewing political opponents as existential threats will not perish. So long as this sans rival remains, the future which we hope to create remains obtainable.

What is that future? Well, I must concede that such information is hidden with the location of the Holmes Hall RA himself. This revelation, of course, leads us to the present predicament. Though implied, I will confirm that my last attempt to find the Holmes Hall RA ended after passing out on the indoor field in Dem Hall with three bottles of Nyquil and a bottle of Bacardi in hand. Upon waking to the polite kicking of a soccer ball into my face, I was, admittedly, broken by my failure to accomplish my primary function. Over the long days spent looking at the photo of Dad and his high school girlfriend in his office, however, I managed to find a certain degree of enlightenment. Whereas my previous quest to find Holmes Hall was founded on the presumption that the location was open information, I am now aware it is a closely guarded secret. Hidden within the texts of objective reporting and conservative opinions is the location of our great shepherd.

With this new revelation, I must once again ask you to join me in this holiest and noblest of endeavours. Together, let us search the texts of our heroes to find their cryptic allusions to the Prophet of Holmes Hall. Liberal activism and so-called policies be bound to their lies, we have the truth.

Galaxy Brains of Farm Lane

Last week, I was walking down Farm Lane, as tends to happen when you have a painful walk to far South Campus for a class. I was minding my own business, blasting my tunes, and generally feeling okay about the state of humanity.

And then I saw it.

A white, gleaming table with a large sign in front, containing some of the purest examples of Farm Lane Guys I’ve ever seen.

What is a Farm Lane Guy? A Farm Lane Guy is a guy who sets up a table, usually on Farm Lane, to push munted gifts or causes on unsuspecting, impressionable college students. Last year’s Farm Lane Guys included a church that handed out motel-quality coffee to people heading to their 8:30s and a guy who passed out copies of his erotic novel on the bridge by the library. As a new school year begins, so too do new Farm Lane Guys crowd campus’ busiest areas.

This year’s first Farm Lane Guys were maybe the strangest of all. They were from the LaRouche PAC, an offshoot of a bizarre political cult that has been around since the 1960s, founded by perennial presidential candidate and convicted fraudster Lyndon LaRouche.

I decided to go up and chat to their leader, an old guy wearing a big NASA hat who was the one holding their stack of fliers. Behind him was even more fliers, a sheet to get on their contact list, and larger booklets that said you needed to give a donation of $20 to access. In front was a sign containing many munted diagrams and beliefs. One thanked China and India for “going green” and putting more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. I wish I was making that up.

“What’s going on here?” I said, trying to act like I believed any of the weird shit written on the sign.

“Did you know we’re going to have a moon base by 2024?”, he said, in a tone that said he thought everyone knew it. “And that President Trump has authorized it already?”

I had apparently missed out on this valuable information. “No, but go on,” I said.

He handed me a flier and went into his spiel about going to the Moon. I quickly stopped paying attention as the jargon raced through my ears, though I caught something about plasma energy being important and something else about the international banking elite. My brain was threatening to explode as it absorbed this information. I looked down at my hand to realize I’d accepted two more fliers.

Finally, I had to cut him off. Gazing at the big books, I asked, “I know you just gave me these fliers, but I want the better stuff. Can I have one of those?”

He said, “Well, we’d like you to sign your name over there and donate twenty bucks,” pointing to the signup sheet. Though I protested, he wasn’t giving them up. I was forced to leave with less than I wanted.

The fliers detail the LaRouche ideology, which stems from a simple premise: Humans are running out of resources and will soon overpopulate the planet. That’s not a strange idea. But their solution to the glut of people is to head to the stars to find resources on other planets suitable for humans, colonizing the Solar System on the way. This leads to some…unique beliefs. Rarely does it feel that the term “galaxy brain” can be used literally, but here I think it is appropriate. These people like Trump because they think he’s going to help them colonize Mars and then exchange with aliens for magic plants or something similar. By this point, I was starting to lose my faith in humanity.

This leads to their most obviously strange belief: that climate change is good, actually. We’ve covered this munted belief before, but seeing it come from people who also want to break up the big banks is odd. Even odder is for them to say that climate change will actually make the Earth greener. The main flyer, “INTERNATIONAL CALL TO YOUTH – The Age of Reason Is in the Stars!”, is filled with invective against Greta Thunberg, Prince Charles, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and anyone who they notice caring about the state of the planet. Indeed, fighting climate change is actively colonialist, apparently, because it denies Africans and South Americans the right to be as proudly wasteful as us First Worlders: “…if Barack Obama is outraged that many young people in Africa want a car, air conditioning, and a big house, then behind that lurks the inhuman arrogance of members of the totally privileged upper class.”

There’s not much else to say. The idea that we might find space resources is a very shaky prospect for us to put everything we have into space travel and colonization. Climate change will definitely not make the earth better, though it might not hurt the LaRouches too much. And Greta Thunberg is probably not a puppet of the global elite being used to line the pockets of hedge fund managers.

The end goal of these fliers, besides stealing $20 from you, was to promote two “International Days of Action” the LaRouche acolytes held on September 10th and 12th. These were days when thousands of their Farm Lane Guy followers descended upon the spiritual Farm Lanes of other universities worldwide to do exactly what they did here – clog up people’s lives with their muntedness.

If there’s a lesson to learn from this, it’s that you don’t need to be sane to set up a booth on Farm Lane and talk to people. In other words: we hope to see you there whenever we can get a banner and a tent. If you’re nice, we might not even ask for $20.

-K. Sins

Down in the DMs: The Sergei Slide

Hello, devoted readers of The Evening Look.  I too, am a reader like yourself–you will notice quickly that I do not have the sharp wit of B. Bunny or the sarcastic introspection of O. Justice.  But I do have a story, one that I think will be of interest to you all.  

I’ve been following the content of The Evening Look almost since its conception.  The Evening Look is an apparent antithesis to campus conservative publication, that, like Batman, is not the hero we deserve but the one we need right now.  But for a long time, things seemed pretty underground, with me and scarcely a few others liking tweets and leaving comments. They’d gotten The Morning Watch’s attention though, which I guess is what matters.  “It’s what you practice in private that you will be rewarded for,” blah blah blah.  

Still, I was pleased to see some quality flyers posted all over campus with that familiar lighthouse image this past week.  Boasting superior content for superior beings, it was clear that the anonymous creators of The Evening Look felt–rightly so–that they should expand their readership.  And it seemed to work! Strangers started liking and retweeting articles, or even better yet, standing up to The Morning Watch instead.  I imagine our masked heroes were very proud of themselves, as was I.  

Part of the beautiful nonchalance of The Evening Look is that all articles (thus far) have been anonymously published.  The Morning Watch takes great care in clearly stating the source of every massive pile of shit that they release to the innocent eyes of the internet, but here, where every article is an utter joy to read, the geniuses behind the screen are hidden.  Anonymity also opens the door to laypersons like myself to be able to contribute freely without subjecting ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Which is nice.  

So imagine my surprise when Sergei Kelley, HBIC over at The Morning Watch, slid into my Twitter DMs one afternoon under the assumption that I worked for The Evening Look.  He had some complaints regarding placements of flyers (anyone will tell you that directly on top of The Morning Watch’s flyer is Prime Real Estate).  Rather than going straight to @LookEvening, he decided to subject a mere observer to what I would assess to be a more eloquent version of a temper tantrum.  

I wonder if Sergei always converses with people like he’s addressing a professor.  And not even like a chill professor that lets you talk without raising your hand–no, this is the professor whose attendance policy is “late=absent”.  Let me remind you of the context of this conversation: Saturday night in a college student’s Twitter DMs. And Sergei’s message starts “Hello [my first name] [my last initial],”.  He threw in an initial!  In my DMs!  He then proceeded, in MLA format, to essentially tattle on The Evening Look to a person with absolutely zero authority.  He even attached photo evidence of the flyer placement, as if I, who he presupposed to be the perpetrator, would not be aware of where I put flyers.  I don’t know whether to be flattered that he thinks I could be one of the masterminds behind The Evening Look, or offended that he clearly thinks I’m a dumbass.  

I politely replied to ‘Mr. Kelley’ that he must be confused, for I have no affiliation with the publication.  I wished him the best of luck with his flyers. And I am sure the utter humiliation of being wrong is the reason he has left me on ‘read’.  I mean, nobody knows the editors’ identities. He must have been so, so confident that I was involved in some way, simply certain that he’d cracked the code, that his investigative journalism instincts would finally prove themselves.  But once again, the mind behind the stellar content from The Morning Watch is sorely misguided.  

Thank you all for reading my story, and to the editors of The Evening Look for all that they do to maintain civil discourse on this campus.  To the rest of the staff over at The Morning Watch: your man is already in my DMs, and the truth hurts.  Better luck next time. 

Sincerely, 

A Dedicated Looker