Editor’s note: You didn’t think we’d give up on this, did you? After a long journey of self-discovery, The Evening Look’s Holmes Hall correspondent O. Justice has prepared another report of the trials and tribulations of finding the elusive Holmes Hall RA.
Yes, my faithful zealots of truth, undying brethren of escalating minor changes into a total war against perceived American values, I am back. Despite numerous attempts of leftist climate activists to shut down my coal-fueled laptop and ethical games journalist to force me to pick female Shepard in Mass Effect 3, I return now from an internship at my Dad’s insurance company to bring you the good word of fair, reasoned, liberal slaying conservative arguments. With that being said, do not believe that I have forgotten my purpose, the drive which brings me strength in a world of diversity castings in Marvel films. Of course, I am to say that all other intentions for life are subservient to a single cause: finding the Holmes Hall RA.
For those who have only recently found this publication through the socialist siren song of The Morning Watch, the Holmes Hall RA is simultaneously a person and an idea. Using the aforementioned liberal publication to expose the fundamental flaws of the very same outlet, the Holmes Hall RA is, for the lack of a more accurate term, a maestro of our cause. A god among men, he utilizes his Ohio-born wisdom and classical training in passing concussion protocols to vanquish the plague of gun reform. More broadly, however, he represents the hope that our country and its core value of viewing political opponents as existential threats will not perish. So long as this sans rival remains, the future which we hope to create remains obtainable.
What is that future? Well, I must concede that such information is hidden with the location of the Holmes Hall RA himself. This revelation, of course, leads us to the present predicament. Though implied, I will confirm that my last attempt to find the Holmes Hall RA ended after passing out on the indoor field in Dem Hall with three bottles of Nyquil and a bottle of Bacardi in hand. Upon waking to the polite kicking of a soccer ball into my face, I was, admittedly, broken by my failure to accomplish my primary function. Over the long days spent looking at the photo of Dad and his high school girlfriend in his office, however, I managed to find a certain degree of enlightenment. Whereas my previous quest to find Holmes Hall was founded on the presumption that the location was open information, I am now aware it is a closely guarded secret. Hidden within the texts of objective reporting and conservative opinions is the location of our great shepherd.
With this new revelation, I must once again ask you to join me in this holiest and noblest of endeavours. Together, let us search the texts of our heroes to find their cryptic allusions to the Prophet of Holmes Hall. Liberal activism and so-called policies be bound to their lies, we have the truth.
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